On Blowing Up The Pac-12

“I am become Death, destroyer of conferences.”

So, Eugene is Big Ten country now? Very interesting.

I’ve been very clear on this blog that I’m a nostalgia junkie.

I named this thing after Rich Brooks; I’ll never forgive the Huskies for colluding against us in 1948; and I love reminding people that Jack Crabtree was the MVP of the 1958 Rose Bowl even though we lost to Ohio State (something we don’t do anymore).

I love history. It adds perspective, and can give us really easy answers to present-day questions that some folks would like us to believe are way more complicated than they are.

As a HistoryHead, I have a special place in my heart for the 100+ year story of the Pacific Coast Conference. If I had things my way, I would have started this whole realignment conversation by pulling Montana and Idaho back up to the FBS level and saved us all this trouble.

But alas, they failed to ask for my input.

In a move that all-but finally killed the PCC/Pac-8/Pac-10/Pac-12, the Ducks and Huskies left to join the Big Ten last week.

The two mortal enemies joined forces and walked off into the cornfield, hand in hand—leaving behind their old pals, the Beavs and Cougs.

Blame any of the schools that jumped ship, blame Larry Scott, or blame television money. Feel free to point fingers at whoever you’d like for breaking up these old rivalries, but I’ve identified the obvious culprit here: the Federal Aid Highway Act of 1956.

Yes, the act of Congress that financed the Interstate Highway System. Stay with me.

If I-5 had been built with a gentle enough curve to run directly through Corvallis on its way between Portland and Eugene, then the city would have naturally found itself with more people, more money, and more power. All things that have proved to make a difference in these TV-centric discussions.

I’m not saying that still would have been enough to attract them to a real conference, but I do think there’s a greater chance the Beavs would have survived this implosion had it not been for their fate of being a whole 11 miles removed from the Willamette Valley’s primary travel corridor.

To a similar extent, Pullman is just all-the-hell-the-way-up-there, as they say, and the Cougs clearly traded all possibility for Husky-type glitz in favor of their small town, down-home charm.

For both former agricultural colleges (and their football programs), that proved to be the wrong trade. And their misfortune especially sucks given that they were shut out from joining the likes of Nebraska, Iowa, and Indiana, who somehow get to be both rural AND rich.

When the Big Ten comes a-calling, it’s not enough to be The Greatest College Town In The Pac-12. You gotta have the bank account and proximity-to-the-highway to back it up.

“But James, Stanford and Cal have tons of money!”

Yes they do, and do you know what else they have? Inconvenient drive times off of I-5.

I rest my case.

And yes, this will be the first and last time that Ditch Rich will exalt the outcome of America’s desperate car dependence. We may be part of the Rust Belt now, but I won’t morph into a megaphone for the Ford Motor Company any time soon.

In the movie Oppenheimer (these don’t count as spoilers because we all know what happened, so you’ve been warned), there’s a conversation between J. Robert Oppenheimer and Albert Einstein.

Oppie came to Albie to tell him about some calculations he made that showed the teensiest possibility that detonating the atomic bomb might start a chain reaction from that could destroy the entire world.

Heavy stuff.

One small feat of engineering that—when put into motion—sets off an unstoppable chain of events that results in total destruction.

Move over Truman, because when Dwight D. Eisenhower and his Interstate scientists decided to turn Corvallis into Radiator Springs, they started a butterfly effect that would change the course of human history, too.

It’s just that this time we’re feeling the impact nearly 70 years later on our goofy little football conference, this side of Pacific.

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We got off a sinking ship folks. We can count our blessings.

College football has been a story of haves and have-nots for its entire existence, and in this case it ends with: the Ducks and Huskies have a conference, while their in-state rivals have-not.

I’m gutted for OSU and WSU and hope they find a worthwhile home.

George K took the commissioner job, and then he quiet quit, and now we get to eat Minnesota, Purdue, and Northwestern for lunch every year. I’m all for it.

I’ll miss the Pac, but maybe someday we can all join back up and become the West division of the Big Thirty or whatever this sport is going to devolve into next.

Just please forgive me in advance for any and all: “Is this heaven.” “No, it’s Iowa.” references.

I’ve earned the right. I’m in the Big Ten now.

Go Ducks.